Wednesday, December 12, 2012
Julio Diaz has a daily routine.
Julio Diaz has a daily routine. Every night, the 31-year-old social worker ends his hour-long subway commute to the Bronx one stop early, just so he can eat at his favorite diner.
But one night last month, as Diaz stepped off the No. 6 train and onto a nearly empty platform, his evening took an unexpected turn.
He was walking toward the stairs when a teenage boy approached and pulled out a knife.
“He wants my money, so I just gave him my wallet and told him, ‘Here you go,’” Diaz says.
As the teen began to walk away, Diaz told him, “Hey, wait a minute. You forgot something. If you’re going to be robbing people for the rest of the night, you might as well take my coat to keep you warm.”
The would-be robber looked at his would-be victim, “like what’s going on here?” Diaz says. “He asked me, ‘Why are you doing this?’”
Diaz replied: “If you’re willing to risk your freedom for a few dollars, then I guess you must really need the money. I mean, all I wanted to do was get dinner and if you really want to join me … hey, you’re more than welcome.
“You know, I just felt maybe he really needs help,” Diaz says.
Diaz says he and the teen went into the diner and sat in a booth.
“The manager comes by, the dishwashers come by, the waiters come by to say hi,” Diaz says. “The kid was like, ‘You know everybody here. Do you own this place?’”
“No, I just eat here a lot,” Diaz says he told the teen. “He says, ‘But you’re even nice to the dishwasher.’”
Diaz replied, “Well, haven’t you been taught you should be nice to everybody?”
“Yea, but I didn’t think people actually behaved that way,” the teen said.
Diaz asked him what he wanted out of life. “He just had almost a sad face,” Diaz says.
The teen couldn’t answer Diaz — or he didn’t want to.
When the bill arrived, Diaz told the teen, “Look, I guess you’re going to have to pay for this bill ‘cause you have my money and I can’t pay for this. So if you give me my wallet back, I’ll gladly treat you.”
The teen “didn’t even think about it” and returned the wallet, Diaz says. “I gave him $20 … I figure maybe it’ll help him. I don’t know.”
Diaz says he asked for something in return — the teen’s knife — “and he gave it to me.”
Afterward, when Diaz told his mother what happened, she said, “You’re the type of kid that if someone asked you for the time, you gave them your watch.”
“I figure, you know, if you treat people right, you can only hope that they treat you right. It’s as simple as it gets in this complicated world.”
10 Tips to Survive a Break-up
Even though change is mandatory, suffering is optional.
(10 ways to gently leave your lover)
Song writer Neil Sedaka may have said it best, "Down shoubby do, down, down, breaking up is hard to do." Here are ten tips to help you deal with the turmoil and pain of ending a relationship. My wish for you is that you never have to use them.
=================================================================
1. Cry all you want. Let the tears flow, it's healthy you are releasing grief and pain. You may be afraid to start because you're fearful you'll never stop, but you will.
2. Do something everyday to help yourself heal. Exercise, read, watch some self-help TV/DVD's, learn to meditate and never underestimate the power of positive prayer. Pick things that you know will be fun or beneficial and do them. Don't wait for the mood to come over you, take one action and then take another.
3. Find emotional support. There are numerous groups for the newly single (more for women than for men). If you want therapy, go to www.therapistfinder.com to find a licensed marriage and family therapist in your area. Just don't try to tough it out or go it alone, support from others is healing, even if those people never become close friends.
4. Don't be a doormat. If your soon-to-be-ex continues to call you or simply won't go away (or move out) tell them you can't heal with them around and ask them to keep their distance. If they are harassing or threatening you it is best to call law enforcement for information and advice.
5. Keep busy. If you wake up early take a walk, go out to breakfast or do something around the house. Try a little "retail therapy" (go shopping) or enjoy the decadence of going to a movie in the middle of the day. Many businesses allow their staff to take "mental health days" if needed. If you can't sleep do the crossword puzzle, read or watch TV. Don't sit in your room and ruminate, you have to free your mind so your heart can heal.
6. Don't try to mask your pain by trying to find a replacement. We all know the term "rebound relationship" these happen when we (unconsciously) use another person to fill the gap that's been created by the ending of a relationship. These transitional connections can feel healing in the short term, but if you don't process your pain appropriately you will not be able to be in a fully committed partnership.
7. Don't spend too much time alone. Hang out with friends or make new ones, go to coffee with someone you can talk to, volunteer in your community. You will need time alone, but if you isolate yourself you won't be able to fully process your feelings or get the support you need to heal.
8. Trust your feelings. Even if you were taken by surprise by the breakup, your inner voice is telling you something. Listen carefully and you will hear that it will all be OK. You just have to let your feelings guide you.
9. Take your time. Don't rush out and buy a new car or move to a new home or another town. Major changes like those are merely a way of avoiding your feelings. Believe that with a little time, patience and support you will feel better and find love again.
10. Research. Find out what others, who have not just survived but thrived after their relationships ended did to achieve peace of mind. There are some great books on surviving a breakup, my favorite is "How to Survive the Loss of a Love" by Peter McWilliams. This little gem will give you insight, exercises and some sage advice for dealing with this heart wrenching issue.
Thanks for reading
_______________________
Original source:http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/emotional-fitness/201103/10-tips-survive-break
(10 ways to gently leave your lover)
Song writer Neil Sedaka may have said it best, "Down shoubby do, down, down, breaking up is hard to do." Here are ten tips to help you deal with the turmoil and pain of ending a relationship. My wish for you is that you never have to use them.
=================================================================
1. Cry all you want. Let the tears flow, it's healthy you are releasing grief and pain. You may be afraid to start because you're fearful you'll never stop, but you will.
2. Do something everyday to help yourself heal. Exercise, read, watch some self-help TV/DVD's, learn to meditate and never underestimate the power of positive prayer. Pick things that you know will be fun or beneficial and do them. Don't wait for the mood to come over you, take one action and then take another.
3. Find emotional support. There are numerous groups for the newly single (more for women than for men). If you want therapy, go to www.therapistfinder.com to find a licensed marriage and family therapist in your area. Just don't try to tough it out or go it alone, support from others is healing, even if those people never become close friends.
4. Don't be a doormat. If your soon-to-be-ex continues to call you or simply won't go away (or move out) tell them you can't heal with them around and ask them to keep their distance. If they are harassing or threatening you it is best to call law enforcement for information and advice.
5. Keep busy. If you wake up early take a walk, go out to breakfast or do something around the house. Try a little "retail therapy" (go shopping) or enjoy the decadence of going to a movie in the middle of the day. Many businesses allow their staff to take "mental health days" if needed. If you can't sleep do the crossword puzzle, read or watch TV. Don't sit in your room and ruminate, you have to free your mind so your heart can heal.
6. Don't try to mask your pain by trying to find a replacement. We all know the term "rebound relationship" these happen when we (unconsciously) use another person to fill the gap that's been created by the ending of a relationship. These transitional connections can feel healing in the short term, but if you don't process your pain appropriately you will not be able to be in a fully committed partnership.
7. Don't spend too much time alone. Hang out with friends or make new ones, go to coffee with someone you can talk to, volunteer in your community. You will need time alone, but if you isolate yourself you won't be able to fully process your feelings or get the support you need to heal.
8. Trust your feelings. Even if you were taken by surprise by the breakup, your inner voice is telling you something. Listen carefully and you will hear that it will all be OK. You just have to let your feelings guide you.
9. Take your time. Don't rush out and buy a new car or move to a new home or another town. Major changes like those are merely a way of avoiding your feelings. Believe that with a little time, patience and support you will feel better and find love again.
10. Research. Find out what others, who have not just survived but thrived after their relationships ended did to achieve peace of mind. There are some great books on surviving a breakup, my favorite is "How to Survive the Loss of a Love" by Peter McWilliams. This little gem will give you insight, exercises and some sage advice for dealing with this heart wrenching issue.
Trust that you were not put here to suffer and that your live will not just be OK, it will be wonderful. Love will come again and next time, if you have truly processed your feelings, it will be much better. Having to work through some alone time doesn't need to be totally painful. Remember that even though change is mandatory, suffering is optional.
Thanks for reading
_______________________
Original source:http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/emotional-fitness/201103/10-tips-survive-break
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