“There are a hundred things she has tried to chase away the things she won’t remember and that she can’t even let herself think about because that’s when the birds scream and the worms crawl and somewhere in her mind it’s always raining a slow and endless drizzle.
You will hear that she has left the country, that there was a gift she wanted you to have, but it is lost before it reaches you. Late one night the telephone will sign, and a voice that might be hers will say something that you cannot interpret before the connection crackles and is broken.
Several years later, from a taxi, you will see someone in a doorway who looks like her, but she will be gone by the time you persuade the driver to stop. You will never see her again.
Whenever it rains you will think of her.”
Tuesday, September 2, 2014
— on being me (NJ.)
“Maybe I’m not that kind of beautiful
dressed in red lipstick and black eyeliner.
I’m not beautiful in the sense of
defined cheekbones, full lips,
curvy hips, and shapely legs.
I’m not beautiful like the sunsets kissing the sky,
the stars outlining evening wishes,
the freshly picked flowers,
and the softly murmured I love you’s.
So maybe I’m the kind of girl
with pale lips and dull eyes.
But I hope someday,
someone kisses the sunsets on my chapped lips
and outlines the stars on my cheekbones.
I hope he waters the flowers beneath the flaws on my skin
and screams I love you’s because his love for me
is meant not to be kept in secret drawers,
but to be plastered in the sky,
on waters, and in the wind.
I hope he loves
the no make up, flawed,
clumsy, and awkward
kind of beautiful.”
dressed in red lipstick and black eyeliner.
I’m not beautiful in the sense of
defined cheekbones, full lips,
curvy hips, and shapely legs.
I’m not beautiful like the sunsets kissing the sky,
the stars outlining evening wishes,
the freshly picked flowers,
and the softly murmured I love you’s.
So maybe I’m the kind of girl
with pale lips and dull eyes.
But I hope someday,
someone kisses the sunsets on my chapped lips
and outlines the stars on my cheekbones.
I hope he waters the flowers beneath the flaws on my skin
and screams I love you’s because his love for me
is meant not to be kept in secret drawers,
but to be plastered in the sky,
on waters, and in the wind.
I hope he loves
the no make up, flawed,
clumsy, and awkward
kind of beautiful.”
— Cornelia Funke, Inkspell
“Isn’t it odd how much fatter a book gets when you’ve read it several times? As if something were left between the pages every time you read it. Feelings, thoughts, sounds, smells…and then, when you look at the book again many years later, you find yourself there, too, a slightly younger self, slightly different, as if the book had preserved you like a pressed flower…both strange and familiar.”
some strong advice from people with real eyes
“HOW TO BE THE GIRL HE WANTS:
the first time someone tells you these words I hope you stick out your hand and catch the letters in the air I hope you crunch them in your fist I hope you shove them back into the mouth they flew out of I hope and pray you are not eight years old and hanging off of a shopping cart and groaning about how bored you are, I hope you were not young like I was the first time I read a magazine on a shelf underneath the candy I hope you weren’t young because I still thought everything I read had to be true - but better yet, I hope these words never find you.
They tell you to be strong but it’s the little things like this that sit on our hips and tangle in our hair and feel like bees when the night gets dark. It’s the little things we could never ever shake off because the minute we tried, we discovered there were more waiting for us.
HOW TO LOOK GOOD FOR SUMMER:
smile more often. I hope the first time someone calls you fat, you shimmy your shoulders and wink and feel like a goddess and take it as a compliment. I hope you are not the new kid in a fifth-grade class, glasses on your nose and your hair in tangles. I hope nobody ever touched your tummy and asked if you were embarrassed by the way it jiggles. I hope if you ever hear those words, you reach out your beautiful fingers and touch the temple of the person talking and ask, “Are you embarrassed your brain works like that?”
See, I have not gained weight since the eight grade and I’m twenty. I have had about four hundred people tell me I’m skinny but it’s only the two or three voices about the thickness of my thighs and the fat on my hips - these are the only voices that stick. Don’t give them that satisfaction. Take a bath. Stare at your reflection. Count the flecks beside your iris. Promise yourself you’re not going to ruin your life - you won’t let them win. Don’t let that moment cause ripples. Yank out the cruelty from your system.
— Monica Drake - Clown Girl
“The Buddhists say if you meet somebody and your heart pounds, your hands shake, your knees go weak, that’s not the one. When you meet your ‘soul mate’ you’ll feel calm. No anxiety, no agitation.”
— Mandy Hale
“You can love them, forgive them, want good things for them… But still move on without them.”
— Neil Gaiman, Fragile Things
“There are so many fragile things, after all.
People break so easily, and so do dreams and hearts.”
— Keen Malasarte, "This Is My Way Of Loving You"
“Falling for you
wasn’t by choice,
but I did anyway.
And I told myself
that it was
okay.
That loving you
even on my own
was okay.
So I gave you my heart
without expecting you
to give me yours back.
I loved you,
anyway.
I stayed for you,
anyway,
to watch
to appreciate
to give
and to show you
that there are people
that will do anything
it takes
to make you happy
to make you smile
to make sure,
that you are given
all you deserve
even if the person you grow
to love in the end,
is someone
whose name
is much different
from mine.”
wasn’t by choice,
but I did anyway.
And I told myself
that it was
okay.
That loving you
even on my own
was okay.
So I gave you my heart
without expecting you
to give me yours back.
I loved you,
anyway.
I stayed for you,
anyway,
to watch
to appreciate
to give
and to show you
that there are people
that will do anything
it takes
to make you happy
to make you smile
to make sure,
that you are given
all you deserve
even if the person you grow
to love in the end,
is someone
whose name
is much different
from mine.”
— 20 things I think you should know before you turn 20
COPY PASTE THIS LIST TO YOUR BATHROOM MIRROR!
— 21 things my father never told me
You are stronger than you realize.You are crueler than you realize.The smallest words will break your heart.You will change. You’re not the same person you were three years ago. You’re not even the same person you were three minutes ago and that’s okay. Especially if you don’t like the person you were three minutes ago.People come and go. Some are cigarette breaks, others are forest fires.You won’t like your name until you hear someone say it in their sleep.You’ll forget your email password but ten years from now you’ll still remember the number of steps up to his flat.You don’t have to open the curtains if you don’t want to.Never stop yourself from texting someone. If you love them at 4 a.m., tell them. If you still love them at 9.30 a.m., tell them again.Make sure you have a safe place. Whether it’s the kitchen floor or the Travel section of a bookshop, just make sure you have a safe place.You will be scared of all kinds of things, of spiders and clowns and eating alone but your biggest fear will be that people will see you the way you see yourself.Sometimes, looking at someone will be like looking into the sun. Sometimes someone will look at you like you are the sun. Wait for it.You will learn how to sleep alone, how to avoid the cold corners but still fill a bed.Always be friends with the broken people. They know how to survive.You can love someone and hate them, all at once. You can miss them so much you ache but still ignore their phone calls.You are good at something, whether it’s making someone laugh or remembering their birthday. Don’t ever let anyone tell you that these things don’t matter.You will always be hungry for love. Always. Even when someone is asleep next to you you’ll envy the pillow touching their cheek and the sheet hiding their skin.Loneliness is nothing to do with how many people are around you but how many of them understand you.People say I love you all the time. Even when they say, ‘Why didn’t you call me back?’ or ‘He’s an asshole.’ Make sure you’re listening.You will be okay.You will be okay.”
— F.Scott Fitzgerald
“The loneliest moment in someone’s life is when they are watching their whole life fall apart, and all they can do is stare blankly.”
Breaking the Habit of Comparing Yourself With Others
So how do you break this cycle of comparing yourself with others? Here are some tips I’ve found useful:
Awareness. Most often we do these social comparisons without realizing we’re doing it. It’s a natural act, I suppose, and as a result it’s something that is done without consciousness. So the solution is to become conscious — bring these thoughts to the forefront of your consciousness by being on the lookout for them. If you focus on these thoughts for a few days, it gets much easier with practice, and soon it’ll be hard not to notice.
Stop yourself. Once you realize you’re doing these comparisons, give yourself a pause. Don’t berate yourself or feel bad — just acknowledge the thought, and gently change focus.
Count your blessings. A better focus is on what you do have, on what you are already blessed with. Count what you have, not what you don’t. Think about how lucky you are to have what you have, to have the people in your life who care about you, to be alive at all.
Focus on your strengths. Instead of looking at your weaknesses, ask yourself what your strengths are. Celebrate them! Be proud of them. Don’t brag, but feel good about them and work on using them to your best advantage.
Be OK with imperfection. No one is perfect — intellectually, we all know that, but emotionally we seem to feel bad when we don’t reach perfection. You aren’t perfect and you never will be. I certainly am not, and I’ve learned to be OK with that. Sure, keep trying to improve, but don’t think you’ll ever be the “perfect person”. If you look at it in a different way, that imperfection is what makes you who you are, you already are perfect.
Don’t knock others down. Sometimes we try to criticize others just to make ourselves look or feel better. Taking someone else down for your benefit is destructive. It forms an enemy when you could be forming a friend. In the end, that hurts you as well. Instead, try to support others in their success — that will lead to more success on your part.
Focus on the journey. Don’t focus on how you rank in comparison to others — life is not a competition. It’s a journey. We are all on a journey, to find something, to become something, to learn, to create. That journey has nothing to do with how well other people are doing, or what they have. It has everything to do with what we want to do, and where we want to go. That’s all you need to worry about.
Learn to love enough. If you always want what others have, you will never have enough. You will always want more. That’s an endless cycle, and it will never lead to happiness. No matter how many clothes you buy, no matter how many houses you own (seven, in the case of one famous candidate), no matter how many fancy cars you acquire … you’ll never have enough. Instead, learn to realize that what you have is already enough. If you have shelter over your head, food on the table, clothes on your back, and people who love you, you are blessed. You have enough. Anything you have over and above that — and let’s admit that all of us reading this blog have more than that — is more than enough. Be good with that, and you’ll find contentment.
Awareness. Most often we do these social comparisons without realizing we’re doing it. It’s a natural act, I suppose, and as a result it’s something that is done without consciousness. So the solution is to become conscious — bring these thoughts to the forefront of your consciousness by being on the lookout for them. If you focus on these thoughts for a few days, it gets much easier with practice, and soon it’ll be hard not to notice.
Stop yourself. Once you realize you’re doing these comparisons, give yourself a pause. Don’t berate yourself or feel bad — just acknowledge the thought, and gently change focus.
Count your blessings. A better focus is on what you do have, on what you are already blessed with. Count what you have, not what you don’t. Think about how lucky you are to have what you have, to have the people in your life who care about you, to be alive at all.
Focus on your strengths. Instead of looking at your weaknesses, ask yourself what your strengths are. Celebrate them! Be proud of them. Don’t brag, but feel good about them and work on using them to your best advantage.
Be OK with imperfection. No one is perfect — intellectually, we all know that, but emotionally we seem to feel bad when we don’t reach perfection. You aren’t perfect and you never will be. I certainly am not, and I’ve learned to be OK with that. Sure, keep trying to improve, but don’t think you’ll ever be the “perfect person”. If you look at it in a different way, that imperfection is what makes you who you are, you already are perfect.
Don’t knock others down. Sometimes we try to criticize others just to make ourselves look or feel better. Taking someone else down for your benefit is destructive. It forms an enemy when you could be forming a friend. In the end, that hurts you as well. Instead, try to support others in their success — that will lead to more success on your part.
Focus on the journey. Don’t focus on how you rank in comparison to others — life is not a competition. It’s a journey. We are all on a journey, to find something, to become something, to learn, to create. That journey has nothing to do with how well other people are doing, or what they have. It has everything to do with what we want to do, and where we want to go. That’s all you need to worry about.
Learn to love enough. If you always want what others have, you will never have enough. You will always want more. That’s an endless cycle, and it will never lead to happiness. No matter how many clothes you buy, no matter how many houses you own (seven, in the case of one famous candidate), no matter how many fancy cars you acquire … you’ll never have enough. Instead, learn to realize that what you have is already enough. If you have shelter over your head, food on the table, clothes on your back, and people who love you, you are blessed. You have enough. Anything you have over and above that — and let’s admit that all of us reading this blog have more than that — is more than enough. Be good with that, and you’ll find contentment.
Tips for Dealing with Rejection
1. First, recognise that not everyone is like you. We have different likes and dislikes, we want different things, and we all see people and the world in different ways. Hence, it is natural that sometimes people will be upset, offended, or react differently from what we expected. It’s not necessarily personal – it’s more a reflection of the fact that we all are different.
2. Try and leave your emotions aside and objective analyse the situation. Ask yourself: “Is this person’s reaction triggering something me?” It could be that you are over-reacting to a perceived rejection because of previous hurts, put downs and rejections. Alternatively, the other person’s reaction could be more related to what is going on in their life at the time (rather than being a personal rejection of you.)
3. Be alert to over-generalising and over-personalising. For example, look out for the tendency to think things like that “That means I’m a terrible person, and no-one likes me” or “I never do anything right. I always say and do the wrong thing. I’m always going to get it wrong and be rejected by everyone.”
4. Look for friendships and affirmation in other places. It’s wise to have a wide range of friends and acquaintances so that our self-image and self-esteem aren’t tied into how a few key people treat us, or react towards us.
5. Accept that snubs and rejections are part of life. We can’t please all of the people all of the time – we can only please some of the people some of the time. And while it’s wise to check to see if we display certain habits, traits or behaviors that often annoy others (and it is wise to work on changing those), at the end of the day we just have to be ourselves. We can’t spend our lives walking on egg shells, or trying to be someone we were never meant to be.
2. Try and leave your emotions aside and objective analyse the situation. Ask yourself: “Is this person’s reaction triggering something me?” It could be that you are over-reacting to a perceived rejection because of previous hurts, put downs and rejections. Alternatively, the other person’s reaction could be more related to what is going on in their life at the time (rather than being a personal rejection of you.)
3. Be alert to over-generalising and over-personalising. For example, look out for the tendency to think things like that “That means I’m a terrible person, and no-one likes me” or “I never do anything right. I always say and do the wrong thing. I’m always going to get it wrong and be rejected by everyone.”
4. Look for friendships and affirmation in other places. It’s wise to have a wide range of friends and acquaintances so that our self-image and self-esteem aren’t tied into how a few key people treat us, or react towards us.
5. Accept that snubs and rejections are part of life. We can’t please all of the people all of the time – we can only please some of the people some of the time. And while it’s wise to check to see if we display certain habits, traits or behaviors that often annoy others (and it is wise to work on changing those), at the end of the day we just have to be ourselves. We can’t spend our lives walking on egg shells, or trying to be someone we were never meant to be.
Tips for Showing Kindness
1. Try to always be positive, affirming and encouraging.
2. Be willing to help others.
3. Notice the little things that make a difference to others – and do them.
4. Don’t hold grudges – forgive and move on. Accept we all make mistakes at times.
5. Be patient and understanding.
6. Be generous, large hearted and happy to share.
7. Be willing to put yourself out for others. Share your time and your abilities with them.
8. Be genuinely interested in other peoples’ lives.
9. Be polite, respectful and pleasant.
10. Treat other people in the same way as you’d like them to treat you.
9 Tips To Help You Focus When Studying
1. Get Rid of Distractions
This should be pretty obvious right? But actually, it’s not. We often get distracted without realizing that we already are. Once distracted, we engage in the new task and we don’t pay attention to what we were originally supposed to do.
Instead, to get rid of distractions, identify what distract you and then take proactive measures to not let them distract you again. For example, if it’s the internet, television or people, then you might want to consider studying at the library.
However, sometimes distractions can be thoughts that are intrusive. For instance, thoughts stemming from anxieties or worries. If this is the case, there is only so much you can do about them. You can try seeking professional help, dealing with the cause of anxiety or worries, or doing your best to distract yourself from those thoughts.
2. Avoid Procrastinating
Sometimes, we don’t begin on the task because we are already distracted. If this happens, put the distractions away and tell yourself that you will start the task for 5 minutes straight. Generally, you should find that the 5 minutes is enough to motivate you to continue, but if it doesn’t, then you may want to consider re-evaluating what’s important to you or what’s really keeping you from starting.
3. Rewarding Yourself
This helps sometimes if you can be diligent at it. For example, you might say I will do 30 minutes of homework today then I will reward myself by playing 30 minutes of video game or television. Then over time, you build up a habit of doing the task that you actually no longer need the reward.
4. Find A Good Time To Study
It helps if you pay attention to when you study the best or when you’re most productive. For some people, this might be when you first wake up and you don’t have anything distracting you yet. Throughout the day, we’re more likely to become distracted so it’s better to study when our mind is still fresh. Furthermore, studying when you first wake up is really productive too, because you are less tired and generally already more focused.
5. Finding A Good Place to Study
I wish we all had a perfect studying place that’s designed for optimal studying, but usually almost all locations have problems. For example, even the library can be inconvenient when we have to look or wait for space. However, if you’re able to decorate a room that’s perfect for studying, then do that. You will find yourself motivated by studying in the room.
6. Set Up A Timer
We are generally really poor at estimating how much time we need to get something done. We overestimate the amount of time we have and we end up procrastinating. If instead, we just set up a timer to like work for an hour, we are more likely to want to hold true to our words and see what we can accomplish. A part of achieving our goals is to set up a deadline for when certain tasks are needed to be done.
7. Break Larger Task Into Smaller Ones
Sometimes, we feel like we have so much to do that we procrastinate, because we dread. Instead, we can avoid this by doing what we’re able to do first and slowly build our way up. Furthermore, it helps if you seek help for the tasks you can not accomplish so you don’t get stuck on one place and becoming frustrated.
8. Achieve Flow
When you are in a state of flow, you are so focused on the task that you lose awareness of surroundings. In this case, when you studying, flow is when you can not be distracted by anything anymore. When this happens to you, take note of it, and keep doing what you are doing.
9. Listen to Music or do Something That Helps You Get Focused
Some people find it easier to focus when they listen to music. Find the music that helps you get in the mood and use it to help you focus. Once you are focused, turn off the music if it begins to get distracting. Also, try to figure out what helps you focus. For example, nap to recover your mental energy or take a walk outside to help clear your mind.
This should be pretty obvious right? But actually, it’s not. We often get distracted without realizing that we already are. Once distracted, we engage in the new task and we don’t pay attention to what we were originally supposed to do.
Instead, to get rid of distractions, identify what distract you and then take proactive measures to not let them distract you again. For example, if it’s the internet, television or people, then you might want to consider studying at the library.
However, sometimes distractions can be thoughts that are intrusive. For instance, thoughts stemming from anxieties or worries. If this is the case, there is only so much you can do about them. You can try seeking professional help, dealing with the cause of anxiety or worries, or doing your best to distract yourself from those thoughts.
2. Avoid Procrastinating
Sometimes, we don’t begin on the task because we are already distracted. If this happens, put the distractions away and tell yourself that you will start the task for 5 minutes straight. Generally, you should find that the 5 minutes is enough to motivate you to continue, but if it doesn’t, then you may want to consider re-evaluating what’s important to you or what’s really keeping you from starting.
3. Rewarding Yourself
This helps sometimes if you can be diligent at it. For example, you might say I will do 30 minutes of homework today then I will reward myself by playing 30 minutes of video game or television. Then over time, you build up a habit of doing the task that you actually no longer need the reward.
4. Find A Good Time To Study
It helps if you pay attention to when you study the best or when you’re most productive. For some people, this might be when you first wake up and you don’t have anything distracting you yet. Throughout the day, we’re more likely to become distracted so it’s better to study when our mind is still fresh. Furthermore, studying when you first wake up is really productive too, because you are less tired and generally already more focused.
5. Finding A Good Place to Study
I wish we all had a perfect studying place that’s designed for optimal studying, but usually almost all locations have problems. For example, even the library can be inconvenient when we have to look or wait for space. However, if you’re able to decorate a room that’s perfect for studying, then do that. You will find yourself motivated by studying in the room.
6. Set Up A Timer
We are generally really poor at estimating how much time we need to get something done. We overestimate the amount of time we have and we end up procrastinating. If instead, we just set up a timer to like work for an hour, we are more likely to want to hold true to our words and see what we can accomplish. A part of achieving our goals is to set up a deadline for when certain tasks are needed to be done.
7. Break Larger Task Into Smaller Ones
Sometimes, we feel like we have so much to do that we procrastinate, because we dread. Instead, we can avoid this by doing what we’re able to do first and slowly build our way up. Furthermore, it helps if you seek help for the tasks you can not accomplish so you don’t get stuck on one place and becoming frustrated.
8. Achieve Flow
When you are in a state of flow, you are so focused on the task that you lose awareness of surroundings. In this case, when you studying, flow is when you can not be distracted by anything anymore. When this happens to you, take note of it, and keep doing what you are doing.
9. Listen to Music or do Something That Helps You Get Focused
Some people find it easier to focus when they listen to music. Find the music that helps you get in the mood and use it to help you focus. Once you are focused, turn off the music if it begins to get distracting. Also, try to figure out what helps you focus. For example, nap to recover your mental energy or take a walk outside to help clear your mind.
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