it's scary how much you can think about someone when you're in a vulnerable place.

i remember last night, i was having such shoulder pain and i began thinking about this guy.
He was a "nice" guy, not my type just someone nice. 

My mind rewind to the time when i liked him and, in chronological order,
played up conversations and comments and wishes and events. It was kind of amusing, 
but then it also played up certain words, hurtful ones. Those you don't really react on until 
you think back on it. 


In a way i like to think i've forgotten them, but in truth i haven't. It was personal, razor sharp words (it conflicted with my self-confidence)  and i guess that deserves a congratulation, doesn't it? You're a jerk! 

Maybe that wasn't completely.... fair, but hey people say mean things when they're in pain *dot* *dot* *dot*
You should know, i took bullets from you and still smiled and STAYED (worst decision of my life really :P) 

Anyways, GOOD NEWS is that i'm an idiot too, i forgave this guy, departed with a smile and then worked through a hell of internal things. Things i thought were obvious. 

What happened during an intense period of time is something i don't consider concrete at all. It was foolish and made-up. Like Chinese toys. But when i reflect on it, i'm glad there was some kind of respect. I guess that was the thing that those friendship years contributed too.