Mixed Emotions by Jamie Nelson

I feel so diffident in your presence,

Your confident playfulness drips all over me

You played with me like a little boy

Would play . . . You have spiraled my emotions

I sit here speechless . . . First you smelled my hair.

I looked at your little soft body

Your innocence concealed by others

But blaring loud in my ears as the

80's music further enticed my need for

summer love

Your weariness shows in your dark

Puppy eyes . . . your life, your experience

your hurt, carefully put away. I reach out to you

To embrace you, to let you know I care

More than anyone ever could. I touch your

soft skin. Our bodies fit perfectly as we embrace

Like two perfectly crafted puzzle pieces.

If only I could kiss you passionately,

Without hesitation. Without any of the thoughts

of entangled relationships.

Our hearts both contain so much complexity

Our pasts sickly warped . . .

But the noise of the silent summer

Molds our problems into one shared love. It seems that to you it

is all so superficial, and it saddens me to

know I love you from the deepest hole in my

Heart. You are beautiful, innocent, my little

Boy. We long to play, frolic, and never grow up.

Yet we are drawn together by our soft lips craving for

fulfillment. Longing to be held and loved . . . But do you

Really feel more, do you hold that capacity to love

As deeply as I do? . . . No you are just a little boy, but I am

Just as innocent, so maybe you do love me

As I love you. Your summer love. I crave your

Innocence. Your pillow lips still linger on my neck

You have made me feel so giggly and bubbly inside

Perhaps I don't have to grow up. Perhaps this hope

That you have given me can last a few months, or until

we see each other once again. I feel so happy, so passionate,

so optimistic. How could you do that to me? What

An incredible aura you give off. But perhaps I interpret your

Flirtatious gestures as more than they are. But you kept me to

yourself. You took authority and told the swarming boys

around me to leave me alone . . . For I belonged to you

That's what you said. Your little hand dangled in the air,

waiting for me to come to your side. Yes, you indicated

your need for me, but there is that chance that you

wish for something in the shallow waters. But whatever my contortions

of your feelings may be, you've allowed me to dream of love once again.

But the fear of hurt lies in the background, as I know

You aren't strong, confusion lurks in your soft eyes.

Despite your problems, I love you and you have made

me feel truly overwhelmed. Truly happy. Truly full of

Wholeness and love. Let's snuggle. Smile with me

Tickle me and make me

Giggle!