Reservoir of strength

Many of your greatest blessings can stay buried for years under layers of comfort and complacency. Often, you realize the full value of those blessings only when difficulties come along.

Life’s most serious challenges do not arrive so as to punish you. Rather, they serve to shine a light on what is truly meaningful and valuable.

You have strengths and skills that you may never know about until a crisis compels you to uncover them and put them to use. In times of great difficulty, you are forced to call upon a reservoir of strength you may have never before known you had.

When life throws great challenges at you, that’s not the time to give up on the values and dreams that mean the most to you. In fact, that’s the ideal time to reconnect with the very best that is within you.

Within your most treasured values you will find your greatest motivation, inspiration, creativity, effectiveness and strength. With each challenge, you have a new opportunity to discover new dimensions of your skills and strengths.

When the difficulties arise, be true to the authentic dreams and values you hold dear. Tap into your reservoir of strength, and rise above each challenge to a higher level of true fulfillment.

— Ralph Marston

— Theodore Roosevelt

It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”

— I am a universe (NJ.)

“I have galaxies living inside me. Stop trying to contain me in a box, limiting my existence in a piece of cardboard meant to hold objects, not people. I will annihilate that box if you try to fix me inside. I am a universe. Supernovas continuously erupt within the confines of my mind, emitting a burning sensation and springing forth a plethora of fiery colors. Constellations line the silhouette of my body, the curve of my spine, the outline of my lips, and the creases on my palms. I have stars shining in shadowed corners of me. Planets rapidly spin somewhere between my lungs and heart, and their gases are my exhales. I am breathing in oxygen and breathing out poisonous gases, so beware of me too. I do not just have dimly lit moons or bright sequestered suns that shed light for you. I have black holes in me. You can find them in my eyes from time to time. Maybe you can even see them from my body; the dark bruises showing on pale skin. I have all these things living inside me. I am more than something you shove into a standard box.”

I think it’s absolutely crazy how feelings can flicker so quickly, deteriorate so easily.

“You never really understand the concept of love

“You never really understand the concept of love until it’s placed in your hands for you to care for. To nurture. Not until it smacks you in the face and leaves you starstruck, do you realize how powerful it really is, and only then does it become something more than a four-lettered word. And when you finally pick yourself up off the ground from the fall, you’ll realize that the fall wasn’t so bad after all. From that moment on, you’ll notice that colors are brighter, and music is softer, and life just makes a little more sense. You’ll realize that your heart does beat for a reason, and that reason is love… Love is the only thing that can make you feel whole and empty at the same time. You feel empty because you’ve given your heart to someone, but at the same time, whole because someone has given you theirs to fill the space. And yes, you can choose to run from it, because it can get scary at times, but when you get where you’re going, it might not be where you want to go after all. And when you decide to turn around, love might not still be there waiting. So when it does knock you off your feet, catch your breath, wipe the dirt off your shoes, and run with it. Because it’s the scariest, the worst, the best, and the most amazing thing you’ll ever feel in your entire life.”

— Unknown

“One day, she’s going to know. She’ll know your birthday, your middle name, where you were born, your star sign, and your parents names. She’ll know how old you were when you learnt to ride a bike, how your grandparents passed away, how many pets you had, and how much you hated going to school. She’ll know your eye colour, your scars, your freckles, your laugh lines and your birth marks. She’ll know your favourite book, movie, candy, food, pair of shoes, colour, and song. She’s going to know why you’re awake at 5am most nights, where you were when you realised you’d lost a good friend, why you picked up the razor and how you managed to put it down before things went too far. She’s going to know your phobias, your dreams, your fears, your wishes, and your worries. She’s going to know about your first heartbreak, your dream wedding, and your problems with your parents. She’ll know your strengths, weaknesses, laziness, energy, and your mixed emotions. She’s going to know about your hate for mayonnaise, your dream of being famous when you were five, your need to quote any film you know all the way through, and your fear of growing older. She’ll know your bad habits, your mannerisms, your stroppy pout, your facial expressions, and your laugh like it’s her favourite song. The way you chew, drink, walk, sleep, fidget and kiss. She’s going to know that you’ve already picked out wedding flowers, baby names, tiles for the bathroom, bridesmaid dresses, and the colour of your bedroom walls. She’s going to know, get annoyed at and then accept that you leave clothes everywhere, take twenty minutes to order a Starbucks, have to organise your DVD’s alphabetically, and check your horoscope… just incase. She’ll know your McDonald’s order, how many sugars to put in your tea, how many scoops of ice cream you want, and that you need your sandwiches cut into triangles. She’s going to know how you feel without you telling her, that you need a wee from a look on your face, and that you’re crying without shedding tears. She’s going to know all of it. Everything. You, from top to bottom and inside out. From learning, from sharing, from listening, from watching. She’s going to know every single thing there is to know, and you know what else? She is still going to love you.”

It’s not that everything will be easy or exactly as you had expected, but you must just choose to be grateful for all that you have, and happy that you got a chance to live this life, no matter how it turns out.

"Life will never be perfect, no matter how hard you try. Even if you pour your heart and soul into it, you will never have that perfection you seek. There will always be broken hearts, there will always be days where nothing goes right. But you must accept and learn that even the most imperfect things will always be made better with love and laughter. "
…don’t forget to smile okay :)

I adore people who are unafraid of being who they are.

I adore people who are unafraid of being who they are. Today I spent the afternoon walking through the weekend market. In normal circumstances I’m rather a shy creature. I rarely venture out of my little house on the hill, let alone go to places where people abound. So my friend and I walk through the market, watching musicians sing and vendors sell. We watch people teach their children how to walk, and we watch as dogs faithfully follow their families. Lying in the sun, we talk about our futures and let those thoughts evaporate. There are beautiful people who surround us, people whose grace needs no announcement. We buy slices of pizza from a girl with rosy cheeks who thanks us with a smile. Our day slips in and out of rainclouds and we revel in the small joys of being children. Soon, we won’t be teenagers any longer. We’ll be making decisions about relationships and rental properties. We’ll be swimming very out of our depth, sooner than I’d like to think about. But today we made a tiger from modeling clay, we played musical instruments made from pvc pipes and we rained sunflower seeds into the welcoming earth. Today we were just as we were. We woke up and we were brave, just to do what we wanted to do. And I loved it.

Someone asked me why I am so nice to people who treat me bad,

Someone asked me why I am so nice to people who treat me bad, and i didn't know the answer. Then during class, i looked around after finishing my test and realized why. I looked at the boy who made fun of my inability to do math, and this head was on the test and he looked tired. I know he played in the band, so he had to be at school early, and i wondered if he had something at home keeping him up or maybe it was the amount of class work teachers assigned. i looked at the girl who returned my hello:es by snapping her gum and twisting her hair. i knew her and her boyfriend broke up, and i wondered how hard it must be to have everyone concerned in your business. he could probably be a jerk, and i knew that she only acted dumb in class so people would like her. and i thought about the boy in PE who picked me last for teams, how he squinted at his paper and furrowed his eyebrows. it must be a lot of work always practising, and then also having to get good grades and go to college. and then there was also the girl who was always reading, and i wonder that she gets from those books or if she is running from something. and there is the boy who always wears that shirt and i know his shoes have holes in them because when it rains he complains about wet socks and i wonder if his parents work hard for him or if they drink a lot and i wonder if he feels out-casted because he has to little. and the other boy who just is. i can't imagine learning this stuff in a new language. and even the teacher, i noticed he wasn't wearing his ring today. maybe he is giving us more work and more homework  because he wants us to do better than he did. the point it, i look at all these people and realize that the have their own troubles and their own demons, and the last thing i want to do it add to them .It's a lot of pressure growing up and no matter that anyone says none of us have it easy.

This is interesting. After reading this, you’ll never look at a banana in the same way again.

Bananas contain three natural sugars -sucrose, fructose and glucose combined with fiber. A banana gives an instant, sustained and substantial boost of energy.

Research has proven that just two bananas provide enough energy for a strenuous 90-minute workout. No wonder the banana is the number one fruit with the world’s leading athletes.

But energy isn’t the only way a banana can help us keep fit. It can also help overcome or prevent a substantial number of illnesses and conditions, making it a must to add to our daily diet.

DEPRESSION: According to a recent survey undertaken by MIND amongst people suffering from depression, many felt much better after eating a banana. This is because bananas contain tryptophan, a type of protein that the body converts into serotonin, known to make you relax, improve your mood and generally make you feel happier.

PMS: Forget the pills - eat a banana. The vitamin B6 it contains regulates blood glucose levels, which can affect your mood.

ANEMIA: High in iron, bananas can stimulate the production of hemoglobin in the blood and so helps in cases of anemia.

BLOOD PRESSURE: This unique tropical fruit is extremely high in potassium yet low in salt, making it perfect to beat blood pressure So much so, the US Food and Drug Administration has just allowed the banana industry to make official claims for the fruit’s ability to reduce the risk of blood pressure and stroke.

BRAIN POWER: 200 students at a Twickenham school ( England ) were helped through their exams this year by eating bananas at breakfast, break, and lunch in a bid to boost their brain power. Research has shown that the potassium-packe d fruit can assist learning by making pupils more alert.

CONSTIPATION: High in fiber, including bananas in the diet can help restore normal bowel action, helping to overcome the problem without resorting to laxatives.

HANGOVERS: One of the quickest ways of curing a hangover is to make a banana milkshake, sweetened with honey. The banana calms the stomach and, with the help of the honey, builds up depleted blood sugar levels, while the milk soothes and re-hydrates your system.

HEARTBURN: Bananas have a natural antacid effect in the body, so if you suffer from heartburn, try eating a banana for soothing relief.

MORNING SICKNESS: Snacking on bananas between meals helps to keep blood sugar levels up and avoid morning sickness.

MOSQUITO BITES: Before reaching for the insect bite cream, try rubbing the affected area with the inside of a banana skin. Many people find it amazingly successful at reducing swelling and irritation.

NERVES: Bananas are high in B vitamins that help calm the nervous system..

Overweight and at work? Studies at the Institute of Psychology in Austria found pressure at work leads to gorging on comfort food like chocolate and chips. Looking at 5,000 hospital patients, researchers found the most obese were more likely to be in high-pressure jobs. The report concluded that, to avoid panic-induced food cravings, we need to control our blood sugar levels by snacking on high carbohydrate foods every two hours to keep levels steady.

ULCERS: The banana is used as the dietary food against intestinal disorders because of its soft texture and smoothness. It is the only raw fruit that can be eaten without distress in over-chronicler cases. It also neutralizes over-acidity and reduces irritation by coating the lining of the stomach.

TEMPERATURE CONTROL: Many other cultures see bananas as a ‘cooling’ fruit that can lower both the physical and emotional temperature of expectant mothers. In Thailand , for example, pregnant women eat bananas to ensure their baby is born with a cool temperature.

So, a banana really is a natural remedy for many ills. When you compare it to an apple, it has FOUR TIMES the protein, TWICE the carbohydrate, THREE TIMES the phosphorus, five times the vitamin A and iron, and twice the other vitamins and minerals.. It is also rich in potassium and is one of the best value foods around So maybe its time to change that well-known phrase so that we say, ‘A BANANA a day keeps the doctor away!’

His pledge to her:

i will kill the spiders. i will share my fries with you when you’ve finished all yours and are still hungry. i won’t ever pop my collar. i will never be rude to your tummy- when i hear it growl and gurgle. i promise to bend down and reply respectfully. i will eat the mushrooms when we order the supreme pizza. i will kiss the papercuts. and the door-slammed finger, and the counter-bumped hip. i’ll try my hardest not to get annoyed when you whisper questions and comments during movies. i will be the big spoon. i will let you win at wrestling, sometimes. other times i will not. i will go faster. harder. i will pull when you want. and tease you when you don’t. i will send you random texts and leave you silly gifts. not always. not on schedule. just whenever i want to. whenever i think you need one. or seven. i will check your tire pressure. and remind you to take your car in. i will hold your hand. i will love you. i will love you. i will love you.

There are alternatives !!

Alternatives for when you’re feeling angry or restless: 

• Scribble on photos of people in magazines 
• Viciously stab an orange 
• Throw an apple/pair of socks against the wall 
• Have a pillow fight with the wall 
• Scream very loudly 
• Tear apart newspapers, photos, or magazines 
• Go to the gym, dance, exercise 
• Listen to music and sing along loudly 
• Draw a picture of what is making you angry 
• Beat up a stuffed bear 
• Pop bubble wrap 
• Pop balloons 
• Splatter paint 
• Scribble on a piece of paper until the whole page is black 
• Filling a piece of paper with drawing cross hatches 
• Throw darts at a dartboard 
• Go for a run 
• Write your feelings on paper then rip it up 
• Use stress relievers 
• Build a fort of pillows and then destroy it 
• Throw ice cubes at the bathtub wall, at a tree, etc 
• Get out a fine tooth comb and vigorously brush the fur of a stuffed animal (but use gentle vigor) 
• Slash an empty plastic soda bottle or a piece of heavy cardboard or an old shirt or sock 
• Make a soft cloth doll to represent the things you are angry at; cut and tear it instead of yourself 
• Flatten aluminium cans for recycling, seeing how fast you can go 
• On a sketch or photo of yourself, mark in red ink what you want to do. Cut and tear the picture 
• Break sticks 
• Cut up fruits 
• Make yourself as comfortable as possible 
• Stomp around in heavy shoes 
• Play handball or tennis 
• Yell at what you are breaking and tell it why you are angry, hurt, upset, etc. 
• Buy a cheap plate and decorate it with markers, stickers, cut outs from magazines, words, images, what ever that expresses your pain and sadness and when you’re done, smash it. (Please be careful when doing this) 

Alternatives that will give you a sensation (other than pain) without harming yourself:

• Hold ice in your hands, against your arm, or in your mouth 
• Run your hands under freezing cold water 
• Wax your legs 
• Drink freezing cold water 
• Splash your face with cold water 
• Put PVA/Elmer’s glue on your hands then peel it off 
• Massage where you want to hurt yourself 
• Take a hot shower/bath 
• Put tiger balm on the places you want to cut. (Tiger balm is a muscle relaxant cream that induces a tingly sensation. You can find it in most health food stores and vitamin stores.) 

Alternatives that will distract you or take up time:

• Say “I’ll self harm in fifteen minutes if I still want to” and keep going for periods of fifteen minutes until the urge fades 
• Color your hair 
• Count up to ten getting louder until you are screaming 
• Sing on the karaoke machine 
• Complete something you’ve been putting off 
• Take up a new hobby 
• Make a cup of tea 
• Tell and laugh at jokes 
• Play solitaire 
• Count up to 500 or 1000 
• Surf the net 
• Make as many words out of your full name as possible 
• Count ceiling tiles or lights 
• Search ridiculous things on the web 
• Colour coordinate your wardrobe 
• Play with toys, such as a slinky 
• Go to the park and play on the swings 
• Call up an old friend 
• Go “people watching” 
• Carry safe, rather than sharp, things in your pockets 
• Do school work 
• Play a musical instrument 
• Watch TV or a movie 
• Paint your nails 
• Alphabetize your CDs or books 
• Cook 
• Make origami to occupy your hands 
• Doodle on sheets of paper 
• Dress up or try on old clothes 
• Play computer games or painting programs, such as photoshop 
• Write out lyrics to your favorite song 
• Play a sport 
• Read a book/magazine 
• Do a crossword 
• Draw a comic strip 
• Make a chain link out of paper counting the hours or days you’ve been self harm free using pretty colored paper 
• Knit, sew, or make a necklace 
• Make ‘scoobies’ - braid pieces of plastic or lace, to keep your hands busy 
• Buy a plant and take care of it 
• Hunt for things on eBay or Amazon 
• Browse the forums 
• Go shopping 
• Memorize a poem with meaning 
• Learn to swear in another language 
• Look up words in a dictionary 
• Play hide-and-seek with your siblings 
• Go outside and watch the clouds roll by 
• Plan a party 
• Find out if any concerts will be in your area 
• Make your own dance routine 
• Trace your hand on a piece of paper; on your thumb, write something you like to look at; on your index finger, write something you like to touch; on your middle finger, write your favorite scent; on your ring finger, write something you like the taste of; on your pinky finger, write something you like to listen to; on your palm, write something you like about yourself 
• Plan regular activities for your most difficult time of day 
• Finish homework before it’s due 
• Take a break from mental processing 
• Notice black and white thinking 
• Get out on your own, get away from the stress 
• Go on YouTube 
• Make a scrapbook 
• Colour in a picture or colouring book. 
• Make a phone list of people you can call for support. Allow yourself to use it. 
• Pay attention to your breathing (breath slowly, in through your nose and out through your mouth) 
• Pay attention to the rhythmic motions of your body (walking, stretching, etc.) 
• Learn HALT signals (hungry, angry, lonely, tired) 
• Choose a random object, like a paper clip, and try to list 30 different uses for it 
• Pick a subject and research it on the web - alternatively, pick something to research and then keep clicking on links, trying to get as far away from the original topic as you can. 
• Take a small step towards a goal you have. 

Alternatives that are completely bizarre. At the least, you’ll have a laugh:

• Crawl on all fours and bark like a dog or another animal 
• Run around outside screaming 
• Laugh for no reason whatsoever 
• Make funny faces in a mirror 
• Without turning orange, self tan 
• Pluck your eyebrows 
• Put faces on apples, oranges, or other sorts of food 
• Go to the zoo and name all of the animals 
• Color on the walls 
• Blow bubbles 
• Pull weeds in the garden 

Alternatives for when you’re feeling guilty, sad, or lonely: 

• Congratulate yourself on each minute you go without self harming 
• Draw or paint 
• Look at the sky 
• Instead of punishing yourself by self harming, punish yourself by not self harming 
• Call a friend and ask for company 
• Buy a cuddly toy 
• Give someone a hug with a smile 
• Put a face mask on 
• Watch a favorite TV show or movie 
• Eat something ridiculously sweet 
• Remember a happy moment and relive it for a while in your head 
• Treat yourself to some chocolate 
• Try to imagine the future and plan things you want to do 
• Look at things that are special to you 
• Compliment someone else 
• Make sculptures 
• Watch fish 
• Let yourself cry 
• Play with a pet 
• Have or give a massage 
• Imagine yourself living in a perfect home and describe it in your mind 
• If you’re religious, read the bible or pray 
• Light a candle and watch the flame (but please be careful) 
• Go chat in the chat room 
• Allow yourself to cry; crying is a healthy release of emotion 
• Accept a gift from a friend 
• Carry tokens to remind you of peaceful comforting things/people 
• Take a hot bath with bath oil or bubbles 
• Curl up under a comforter with hot cocoa and a good book 
• Make affirmation tapes inside you that are good, kind, gentle (Sometimes you can do this by writing down the negative thoughts and then physically re-writing them into positive messages) 
• Make a tray of special treats and tuck yourself into bed with it and watch TV or read 

Alternatives for when you’re feeling panicky or scared:

• “See, hear and feel”-5 things, then 4, then 3 and countdown to one which will make you focus on your surroundings and will calm you down 
• Listen to soothing music; have a CD with motivational songs that you can listen to 
• Meditate or do yoga 
• Name all of your soft toys 
• Hug a pillow or soft toy 
• Hyper focus on something 
• Do a “reality check list” – write down all the things you can list about where you are now (e.g. It is the 9th November 2004, I’m a room and everything is going to be alright) 
• With permission, give someone a hug 
• Drink herbal tea 
• Crunch ice 
• Hug a tree 
• Go for a walk if it’s safe to do so 
• Feel your pulse to prove you’re alive 
• Go outside and attempt to catch butterflies or lizards 
• Put your feet firmly on the floor 
• Accept where you are in the process. Beating yourself up, only makes it worse 
• Touch something familiar/safeLeave the room 
• Lay on your back in bed comfortably (eyes closed), and breathe in for 4, hold for 2, out for 4, hold for 2. Make sure to fill your belly up with air, not your chest. If your shoulders are going up, keep working on it. When you’re comfortable breathing, put your hand on your belly and rub up and down in time with your breathing. If your mind wanders to other things, move it back to focusing ONLY on the synchronized movement of your hand and breathing. 
• Give yourself permission to…. (Keep it safe) 

Alternatives that will hopefully make you think twice about harming yourself:

• Think about how you don’t want scars 
• Treat yourself nicely 
• Remember that you don’t have to hurt yourself just because you’re thinking about self harm 
• Create a safe place to go 
• Acknowledge that self harm is harmful behavior: say “I want to hurt myself” rather than “I want to cut” 
• Repeat to yourself “I don’t deserve to be hurt” even if you don’t believe it 
• Remember that you always have the choice not to cut: it’s up to you what you do 
• Think about how you may feel guilty after self harming 
• Remind yourself that the urge to self harm is impulsive: you will only feel like cutting for short bursts of time 
• Avoid temptation 
• Get your friends to make you friendship bracelets: wear them around your wrists to remind you of them when you want to cut 
• Be with other people 
• Make your own list of things to do instead of self harm 
• Make a list of your positive character traits 
• Be nice to your family, who in return, will hopefully be nice to you 
• Put a band-aid on the area where you’d like to self harm 
• Recognize and acknowledge the choices you have NOW 
• Pay attention to the changes needed to make you feel safe 
• Notice “choices” versus “dilemmas” 
• Lose the “should-could-have to” words. Try… “What if” 
• Kiss the places you want to SH or kiss the places you have healing wounds. It can be a reminder that you care about myself and that you don’t want this 
• Choose your way of thinking, try to resist following old thinking patterns 
• The Butterfly project- draw a butterfly on the place(s) that you would self harm and if the butterfly fades without self-harming, it means it has lived and flown away, giving a sense of achievement. Whereas if you do self-harm with the butterfly there; you will have to wash it off. If that does happen, you can start again by drawing a new one on. You can name the butterfly after someone you love. 
• Write the name of a loved one [a friend, family member, or anyone else who cares about you] and write their name where you want to self harm. When you go to self harm remember how much they care and wouldn’t want you to harm yourself. 
• think about what you would say to a friend who was struggling with the same things you are and try to be a good friend to yourself. 
• Make a bracelet out duct tape, and put a line on it every day (Or any period of time) you go without self harm. When it’s full of lines, take it off and make a chain out of all the bracelets and hang it up somewhere where you can be reminded of your great progress. 

Alternatives that give the illusion of seeing something similar to blood:

• Draw on yourself with a red pen or body paint, or go to a site such as this, where you ‘cut’ the screen (be aware that some users may find this triggering, so view with caution) 
• Cover yourself with plasters where you want to cut 
• Give yourself a henna or fake tattoo 
• Make “wounds” with makeup, like lipstick 
• Take a small bottle of liquid red food coloring and warm it slightly by dropping it into a cup of hot water for a few minutes. Uncap the bottle and press its tip against the place you want to cut. Draw the bottle in a cutting motion while squeezing it slightly to let the food color trickle out. 
• Draw on the areas you want to cut using ice that you’ve made by dropping six or seven drops of red food color into each of the ice-cube tray wells. 
• Paint yourself with red tempera paint. 
• ‘Cut’ your skin with nail polish (it feels cold, but it’s hard to get off) 

Alternatives to help you sort through your feelings:

• Phone a friend and talk to them 
• Make a collage of how you feel 
• Negotiate with yourself 
• Identify what is hurting so bad that you need to express it in this way 
• Write your feelings in a diary 
• Free write (Write down whatever you’re thinking at that moment, even if it doesn’t make sense) 
• Make lists of everything such as blessings in your life 
• Make a notebook of song lyrics that you relate to 
• Call a hotline 
• Write a letter to someone telling them how you feel (but you don’t have to send it if you decide not to) 
• Start a grateful journal where everyday you write down three: good things that happened/ things that you accomplished/ are grateful for/ made you smile. Make sure the journal is strictly for positive things. Then when you feel down you can go back and look at it. 

— Lamenting the Friendzone, or: The Nice Guy Approach to Perpetuating Sexist Bullshit

“In pop culture, girls who crush hopelessly on guys they can’t have are painted as just that – hopeless. Over and over again, we’re taught that girls who openly express sexual or romantic interest in guys who don’t want them are pitiable, stalkerish, desperate, crazy bitches. More often than not, they’re also portrayed as ugly – whether physically, emotionally or both – in order to further establish their undesirability as an objective fact. Both narratively and, as a consequence, in real life, men are given free reign to snub, abuse, mislead and talk down to such women: we’re raised to believe that female desire is unseemly, so that any consequent shaming is therefore deserved. There is no female-equivalent Friend Zone terminology because, in the language of our culture, a man’s romantic choices are considered sacrosanct and inviolable. If a girl has been told no, then she has only herself to blame for anything that happens next – but if a woman says no, then she must not really mean it. Or, if she does, she shouldn’t: the rejected man is a universally sympathetic figure, and everyone from moviegoers to platonic onlookers will scream at her to just give him a chance, as though her rejection must always be unfounded rather than based on the fact that he had a chance, and blew it. And even then, give him another one! The pathos of Single Nice Guys can only be eased by pity-sex with unwilling women that blossoms into romance!”

You don't know pain

You don't know pain until you're 
staring at yourself in the mirror
with tears streaming down your 
face and you're begging yourself to
just hold on and be strong

That is pain.

There’s no person in the world who is capable of handling every punch that is thrown at them.

There’s no person in the world who is capable of handling every punch that is thrown at them. We aren’t made that way. In fact, we’re made to get upset, sad, hurt, stumble and fall. We aren’t supposed to be able to instantly overcome problems. Because that’s the whole purpose of living – to face problems, learn, adapt, and solve them over the course of time. This is what ultimately molds us into the person we become.

At some point you will realize

The Boyfriend/Best friend

Sometimes, when your girlfriend is feeling down, it is best to know that she can come to you as her best friend for help. When she is feeling sad, she wants to know that you are reliable. She wants to know that you still care. If she doesn’t talk, keep talking to her. Don’t let her forget about it but if she wants to drop it, just be there to support her. She needs to know that you put ‘friend’ first before the “boyfriend”. When she needs you at her lowest, will you be there for her or will you let her go? As the boyfriend, not only are you to be her lover, you are to be her best friend. She needs someone she can trust to talk to. This also is vice-versa for the girls to support their boyfriend.

Don’t ever use someone’s past against them.

“Don’t ever use someone’s past against them. You’re just reminding them of the mistakes they made back then. If you watch their facial expression carefully, then you’ll see the hurt in their eyes as they reminisce everything that happened. Never use emotion as a weapon. It strikes deeper than you can imagine.”

To those of your who practice truly traditional martial arts, meditation as part of training is nothing new to you. Most of you either start or end your classes at your dojo with meditation. Those of you on the combat sports side of martial arts may have never even thought about meditating.

Meditation for most of us goes against the grain of who we are as Americans. We go to yoga to stretch and get flexibility, not to achieve enlightenment. While you are off contemplating your navel, I’ll be lifting some weights! Lets see who wins now! heh! Or we feel like we are going to be sucked into some sort of pseudo religious craziness, and that isn’t what we signed on for.

That said, no one seems to have a problem with all the odd mental crutches we use to fight our best. This is something a lot of traditional martial artists might not have had to deal with, the stress of fighting. Knowing that there is another human being who has trained and pushed him/herself for the chance to hurt you is difficult on the mind. Now bring in the crowd. Hundreds of yelling people all watching you… judging you. Then there’s your team, they might be your teacher, your friends, your family, the people who’s opinion of you matters most. All of these people are waiting for you to walk out and…screw things up. No stress (tries to control facial tick), so we have our lucky gi, or our shorts, or even that groin cup that we wear every time we win. We’ll be OK if we have it, right?

These crutches are the weird childish way we have of coping with the stress. No matter how prepared you are, going into a fight with your brain in a knot will make you loose every time. Great fighters like GSP, Rich Franklin, and Keith Jardine hired a sports psychologist (Brian Cain) to help them with their mental training. For those of us who don’t have sponsors paying for things, we have meditation.

The Samurai were admonished to meditate every morning on every possible way they could die that day, that way if they did indeed meet some misfortune, they would already have thought about how to act, what to say, etc. George St Pierre explained his point of view now that he has gotten his head together like this, “…there are so many things out of my control in a fight — where the opponent moves, how the opponent reacts, calls made by a referee, etc. Rather than focus on things out of control, focus on my preparation before the fight which trains him to instinctively respond to as many of the different situations as possible.” Sounds similar, take a few minutes each day and visualize what you will do in different situations. Most of the time in a fight, things happen outside of your control, so prepare yourself mentally for that. Control the only thing you have a handle on, your own response. What will you do if he turns out to be faster than you thought? What if you end up on the ground with your opponent on top? What will you do if you loose? Going to act like an idiot and really shame yourself? Take a few moments each day to close your eyes and give yourself a good going over. You’ll find that you’ll be calmer facing a fight if you got your self doubt out before you step onto the mats or into the ring. GSP summed it up nicely “I’m not the strongest guy in the world. I’m also not the best wrestler. I’m not the best submission specialist or the best striker either. But on the night of the fight because of the way I’ve prepared (he began to point to his head), up here, I am the best in the world.”

So there you go. Its not some crazy hippy new-age dogma disguised as martial arts, its the finishing touch to make sure you get the chance to use what you have been training all this time.

These hands are a curse. They remind me that she is no longer here with me, that she can no longer hold me.

These hands are a curse. They remind me that she is no longer here with me, that she can no longer hold me. They are always cold, now. The mornings are the worst. In the years before, each day, I would make coffee for the both of us. We would wait for the light of a new morning. The house would smell like magnolias. She always loved magnolias. As though love itself would rest on the edge of a near wilted petal. We were younger. We could sleep for hours, hours on end. I remember first watching her read, resting her chin on the palm of her hand. Her deep brown eyes would widen as she read a sentence. I would watch her for hours, too afraid to say anything. Too shy to upset the untold love that a reader has for a book.


My hands made the mistake of touching her lightly, a trace of her passion flower shampoo weaving through my fingerprints. I’ve forgotten what it’s like to kiss her. All I remember is the red of her lips as my eyes opened, the small catch of breath as we parted. My fingers have lost their sensation. They are numb. The coffee is always for two, but these days I throw away the paper. Alone, in my bed. Our bed. Her side always perfectly made. The scent of passion flower still lingers as though teasing me, whispering in my ear.


Somewhere, she is alive. Somewhere far away, somewhere out of my reach. It is a curse that these hands cannot hold anything, that they cannot spoon sugar without seasoning the benchtop and the wooden kitchen floors. That they cannot braid a grandchild’s hair, or read a bedtime story to a boy half-asleep. I will sell away all of my dreams, all of my questions. I will give you anything, anything. To spend another day. To watch her reading, to touch her again. Anything.